Drilling for Diamonds

The following exchange took place on Craigslist, the New York community message board.

“What am I doing wrong?

I’m tired of beating around the bush.

I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25-year-old-girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year.

I know how that sounds, but keep in mind half a million is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m over-reaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips?

I dated a businessman who made around 200-250K. But thats where I seem to hit a roadblock. $250,000 won’t get me Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker, and lives in Tribeca. She’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right?

Here are my questions specifically:

• Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics - bars, restaurants, gyms.
• What are you looking for in a mate?
• Is there an age range I should be targeting?
• Why are some of the women living on the Upper East Side so plain? What’s the story there?
• Lawyers, investment bankers, doctors. How much do those guys really make? And where do the hedge fund guys hang out?
• How do you rich guys decide on marriage vs just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.”

An Investment Banker’s Response:

“I qualify as a guy who fits your bill- I make more than $500K per year.

Here’s how I see it: Your offer is a plain and simple crappy business deal.

What you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your good looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple.

But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity - in fact, it is very likely that my income will increase, but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms, you are a depreciating asset. In Wall Street terms, we’d call you a trading position - not a buy and hold. It doesn’t make good business sense to ‘buy you’ (which is what you’re asking) - so I’d rather lease. The deal that makes sense for me is dating, not marriage.”

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“People duck as a natural reflex when something is hurled at them.

Similarly, the excellence reflex is a natural reaction to fix something that isn’t right, or to improve something that could be better. The excellence reflex is rooted in instinct and upbringing, and then constantly honed through awareness, caring, and practice.

The overarching concern to do the right thing well is something we can’t train for.

Either it’s there or it isn’t. So we need to train how to hire for it.”

This brilliant piece of insightful advice comes from a compelling read — Setting the Table, written by award winning New York restaurateur Danny Meyer.

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Oren Harari, the New York Times best-selling author of The Leadership Secrets of Colin Powell, has authored a highly readable sequel, Break from the Pack: How to compete in a copy-cat economy.

Harari uses the EMBER model to test important marketing decisions.

1. (E) Does it make us extraordinary?
2. (M) Does it matter to customers?
3. (B) Does is break new ground?
4. (E) Does it encourage evolvement?
5. (R) Is it real?

The EMBER questions provide insightful and useful answers. Use it. And read Harari’s book.

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